2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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