dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
