Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
