I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
