my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
