office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
