Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
