life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
