yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
