Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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