I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
