3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
