I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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