booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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