you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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