Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize