I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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