OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
