btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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