Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
