Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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