cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
