I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
