i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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