So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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