Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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