I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
