So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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