Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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