party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
