Small penises have feelings too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
