What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
