What a fucking waste of an outfit
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
