Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize