When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
