Slut skills are useful in every country.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
