don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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