I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
