third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
