do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
