I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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