I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
