Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
