just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my god I love twenty year old dicks
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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