do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
