I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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