Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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