i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
