Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Even my vagina gasped.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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