was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
