Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
