Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
