Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
