I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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