Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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