I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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