My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
