She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
