Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
