Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
