i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
