no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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