Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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