No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
