Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
