You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
