Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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