Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
