i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
