Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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