Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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