took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
