I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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