The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Less talking, more tequila
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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