This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize