Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My ATM looks so different sober.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
