Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
