i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
