3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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