I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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