I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
