North Korea, Best Korea!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
