Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
