I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
