im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
