OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
