ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
