Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
