How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize