I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize