My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
