Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
