I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
