I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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