sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
