I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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