I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
