my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
