We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
