It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
