We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
