You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
