she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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