I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had sex on a roof
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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