when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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