one two three fourrrrnication!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
