Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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