well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
