i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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