The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
